Religion is all about me, me, me

Narcissism and religiosity go hand in hand. With rare exceptions, a religious believer considers that the cosmos centers around them.

(Buddhism, for example, would be an exception – but I don't consider authentic Buddhism to be a religion.)

I got to thinking about this today after noticing a New York Times story, "Here's looking at me, kid." It featured a great graphical encapsulation of a narcissist:

Which reminded me of me in my true believing days.

Looking at life as the Radha Soami Satsang Beas (RSSB) theology had taught me to do, I considered that much of what happened to me either was occurring (1) under the direction of the satguru, who had taken over the administration of my karma and was doling it out in a manner for my benefit, or (2) otherwise was orchestrated so that I could learn lessons that were part of my schooling in enlightenment.

So if I was late for a meeting and found that someone had just pulled out of a parking spot right in front of where I was going, I'd say to myself, "Thank you, guru, for your grace."

I'm sure Christians, Muslims, Jews, and other believers in a personal God who intervenes in human affairs do much the same thing. Except they thank another form of divinity, such as Jesus.

In retrospect, the whole thing was deeply and disturbingly narcissistic. But I would have vociferously denied that at the time. I thought that I was becoming more and more humble, what with all of my devotion to a being greater than myself.

However, that devotion was founded on an egotistical assumption: that somehow God or the guru (who were the same entity, at heart) had chosen me for special favors. To the RSSB faithful, even suffering is a gift from the guru, because it's a sign that karma is being paid off at a high rate – which is all to the good if the goal is to get the karmic account down to zero so the devotee isn't tied down spiritually by it.

Way back I read a marvelous entry on a Radha Soami discussion group that included the line (as best I remember it), "RSSB initiates see themselves as living a Technicolor life in a black and white world."

So true, as it is for believers in every other religion. Just as the NY Times graphic indicates, "others" are on the periphery of the religious devotee's worldview, which centers around the dogma to which he or she subscribes. Outside that is a big fat "nothing" – the realm of infidels, heathens, maya, illusion, the devil, unbelievers.

Yesterday I bought a piece of garden art at the Salem Art Fair. Sitting in a chair to sign a credit card slip for it, I set down a paper bag with my other artistic purchases: a coffee cup and a bamboo pencil holder.

I'd carted the heavy piece of garden art (which features three stones) all the way to my car, several blocks away, before I realized that the bag wasn't in hand. Or anywhere else on my body either.

My wife and I speed-walked back to the booth where I'd set down the bag. In the old ways, I would have thought "I'm supposed to learn something from this," or "The artist and I must have some karma that we need to work out."

But now I just think, "I forgot the bag. Hope nobody walked off with it." That sentiment is a lot less me-centered.

The bag was there. I thanked the artist for keeping track of it. I walked back to my car. Drove home.

No big deal. Just something that happened. Along with countless other things in the universe yesterday. Nothing special.

That's the way I see my life now: as nothing special. Which is why religion and me have parted company.

Comments

[Manfred]

Hi, first: thanks for a nice blog!

Although organized religion has many faults, it actually has collectivity as a redeeming factor.

There are many radical "seekers" who completely turn their back on the world and either go hide in a cave or just choose not to engage in society around them. It would not be hard to call them me-oriented or even arrogant.

I believe that inner work/the path or whatever you want to call it is intimately connected to the extent of engagement you have in the world around you, and in that sense I find that religion has a role to play.

I would rather frown at the CHURCH, the organization where dogma and oppression and the kind of spiritual and moral trickery that you mention takes place, all in favor of those who run it.

Engaging in "the big fat nothing" out there, together with others, with humility, is how I see myself and religion ( a religion without a church for sure) Then we are all "nothing" and all something "special".

Cheers

Manfred

[John]

This blog entry kinda hits the nail on the head. We start out life as this entity trying to figure things out--trying to make sense of the impulses that come piping in from all around, and create a sense of who we are based on those impressions--a universe with ME at the center, since this ME is all I "know." Most every religion seeks to preserve this sense of the ME at the center of things, usually through the idea of the ME as an immortal soul that can either have an eternity of good things or an eternity of really bad things. Makes sense when you figure the promise/threat of these things is a great way to do the churchin' business.

The two tragedies of the Human Condition are that we are born without a sense of our collective selves, and with no perfect way of conveying experiences to one another. Religions, it seems, take advantage of these shortcomings.

[Rain]

I liked your post. Although I am not in any religion right now, I still feel special... but to me because it's the only life I get (for sure). Having been deeply into Christianity, I relate to all of what you were talking about earlier. I went through those feelings also. Now, I still feel life has lessons but they are not necessarily designed by someone, just something I can learn from; so if I forget something, I think I am being too distracted and need to take my steps more deliberately.

[Edward]

So I think that everything is about me, and religion is one of those things. Actually, religion is about you, you, you.

I would only belong to a religion for the sake of others. If I am praying in a closet, with just me and God, what is the sense of organizing the socials and bingo?