Why I’m justified in complaining about Sant Mat

Ander's comment on a recent post has me fired up. Along with a strong cup of 100% Kona coffee that I brought back from Maui. Just used up the last bit of it. Can't think of a better caffeine-fueled activity than responding to one of Ander's baseless statements:

Its funny how u even proclaim the fact that u never actually practised for a long period of time more than 2 hours of meditation. Let along 4 or 5 or 10 that would be the appropriate hours after the 30 years on the path. The fact the u complain about sant mat is TOTALLY UNJUSTIFIED. IF someone comes and tells me ," ive been meditating for 30 years for 3 hours a day and i have seen nothing" then i would remain speachless, knot my head and walk away, cause i would have nothing to say. But coming out and saying, " an hour or so". is ridiculus. So you read all the Sant Mat books, U wrote a couple yourself, and still go out and buy 5 books a week. Nice. Nice.

Totally unjustified? Dude, you're so wrong. I was initiated in the spring of 1971. For over thirty years—until 2002 or so—I was damn near a model satsangi (disciple).

I never missed a day of meditation. Mostly it was for the full proscribed two and a half hours. Sometimes less. One and a half hours was a minimum, such as when my daughter needed after-work attention and I was working full time. I followed the other vows perfectly, aside from having a single drink at my ten year high school reunion, which was just too freaking weird to endure without a dose of alcohol.

So don't tell me that I can't complain about Sant Mat and Radha Soami Satsang Beas. I'm totally justified in doing so. Because I know more about this philosophy and this organization than most initiates. Not just book knowledge—direct experience also.

Or, lack of experience, when it comes to meditation. I'm typical in this regard. Over those three decades I talked with hundreds, maybe thousands, of RSSB meditators. Very few, perhaps none, had experienced what they were told to expect. Those flights to inner mystical regions and the meeting with their guru's radiant astral form.

With me, it wasn't for lack of effort. Again, I did everything right. And the results were wrong. Now, many of the faithful would say, "Brian, you expected too much, too soon." Give me a break.

Thirty years isn't too soon. A glimpse of the promised spiritual land isn't too much.

I had a strange relationship (or lack thereof) with my father, whom my mother left when I was four. By all accounts, and my own impression of him, he was a jerk. But when he knew that he was seriously sick, close to dying, he reached out to me when I was in my 30's.

It didn't turn out to be a Hallmark moment. Life isn't a slogan on a greeting card. But because my father phoned me up after some thirty years of ignoring his son, I was able to spend a single hour with him in a Boston hotel room. It was the most deeply frustrating and disappointing hour in my life. Yet I'm thankful beyond words that my father gave me this gift.

He was much more generous than my supposed spiritual "father," Charan Singh. When I was initiated by the guru, the claim was that his astral form had been implanted within my being, and that he would eventually appear within my consciousness and guide me back to Sach Khand, the highest spiritual region.

Well, I'm still waiting. My physical father, who nobody would call a saint, turned out to be more caring and compassionate than Charan Singh, who was considered a saintly soul. Go figure.

I've done a lot of that over the years—figuring—and have concluded that either the guru (1) deceived disciples into believing that he was someone that he actually was not (most likely), or (2) had mystical powers but didn't use them in a generous manner.

Either way, I'm entitled to a whole lot of complaining.

The psychoanalytically-inclined will see in my story a projection onto Charan Singh of the father-qualities that I never experienced in my all-too-human life. I plead guilty (or innocent, whichever). Yes, I wanted a spiritual father who wouldn't disappoint me the way my physical father did. And I'm angry that I didn't fare any better the second father-time around.

Ander, you mentioned my "bodyguard" volunteer, or seva, experience with RSSB. Yes, I had some rather minimal karate background at the time. However, even if I'd been a sixth degree black belt, it wouldn't have made much difference if a van full of Sikh terrorists had pulled up with automatic weapons.

I pondered such possibilities one seva time. It was 3:00 am in the morning. I was standing outside the bedroom where Charan Singh's successor, Gurinder Singh, was sleeping, trying to walk back and forth in the darkness as quietly as possible, lurking behind some bushes so I didn't appear too obtrusive.

High quality seva. Seva that most disciples would die for. And I was prepared to. I'm pretty sure about that. I'd stand there under the stars wondering, "What would you do if, god forbid, some armed terrorists roared up the street and stormed the house?" (At the time, violent Sikh separatists in the Punjab were active and weren't friendly toward RSSB.)

I was strongly committed to Sant Mat and the guru. I had given it my all for over twenty years. I was ready to give more: my life. I couldn't conceive of cowering and remaining alive if Gurinder Singh was attacked. I'd rather die than live with that dishonor.

So again, don't tell me that I'm not justified in criticizing the group that I was more than willing to sacrifice myself for. I gave RSSB and the guru all that I was capable of for a long time, asking little in return.

As you said, Ander, I wrote three books for the organization. I've lost track of how much time I put into that seva. Seven years, probably. Many days I'd research or write for several hours. Few initiates, I bet, have committed that much to RSSB. So, yes, I feel justified.

In the course of writing those books I read every book published by RSSB from cover to cover. And believe me, there's a lot of them. I took notes on the contents and organized them. I'm as familiar with the Sant Mat philosophy as anyone. I've talked the talk and I've walked the walk.

So, yes, I feel justified. In the mid-1990s I got a phone call from India. Faith Singh, head of the RSSB Publications Department, told me that Charan Singh (who died in 1990) always had wanted to have a little book that he could hand out to people who wanted to know the spiritual rationale for vegetarianism.

This book project had hit some hurdles. Faith said that the present guru, Gurinder Singh, had told her, "Give Brian a call." It took me no time at all to say, "Sure, I'll take on the book."

Several years and countless hours of writing work later I got another phone call from India. Faith said, "You really need to come to the Dera [in the Punjab} so we can finish editing the book together. But I have to tell you, it probably will be published as part of a series of introductory Sant Mat books. The authors aren't identified. So you won't be credited."

"No problem," I told her. "I'll come to India." Which I did, and spent two weeks working on the final edits. In the end my name was put on the book. I was pleased. Yet I was content to be the anonymous author, because I was devoted to Sant Mat and my guru.

So, yes, I feel justified.

When I used to give satsangs (talks) for RSSB, one of my favorite subjects was passion. I'd say that someone who runs headlong in one direction, then turns around and dashes just as quickly the other way, is going to get to his destination quicker than a person who steadily plods along in one direction.

My basic nature is to be passionate and committed. My first marriage lasted eighteen years, many of them unhappy. I stuck with my wife for as long as she wanted us to stay together. My second marriage is into its seventeenth happy year. I've been having my hair cut by the same woman, Betsy, for thirty years (my longest female relationship!). It took me twelve years to earn a martial arts black belt. I felt like quitting many times. I didn't.

So, yes, I feel justified. I gave Sant Mat and RSSB my best spiritual and meditative shot. I did as I was told, but I didn't get the results that were, if not promised, told would be forthcoming with a high degree of probability.

After devoting nine years to traditional Shotokan karate, I was at an impasse. I knew that my martial arts skills were progressing, but the Shotokan powers-that-be who presided over rank examinations didn't like what they were seeing. So I faced a choice: stick with a style that obviously wasn't suited for me, or take the leap and leave my familiar martial arts home.

I leapt. And have no regrets. None at all. Barriers are meant to be leapt over. Back in 2000 I found inspiration in a heretical Shotokan karate web site, "Shotokan Planet." What Rob Redmond, a longtime karate practitioner, said applies equally to spiritual training:

If your karate instructor cannot get you to expertise within ten years, then you have a stinky instructor. A ten year veteran of a karate club who trained regularly should be every bit the match of the JKA [Japanese Karate Association] instructors who came to the West all those years ago. If not, then your instructor isn't doing his job or you are not training regularly.

The axiom should therefore be reprinted with a different line of text. Karate training that requires a lifetime is bad karate training. For every student, there is a time when training ends. For people who make their entire world revolve around a karate dojo, that time is death.

For everyone else who simply wishes to learn to take a different perspective on themselves, that time could be after six months or ten years, but the time eventually comes. Know when it has come, and have the courage to recognize it and do the right thing by yourself.

Comments

[Catherine]

Anonymous
Enjoy the honeymoon.

[Brian]

Anonymous, when I say that I'm dissatisfied with the results of Sant Mat/RSSB meditation, I'm referring to what was promised vs. what was experienced.

Not the experience itself, if you get what I mean. I still meditate every day. Like you and your husband, I feel calmer, clearer, more connected to myself and outside reality when I meditate.

That's something quite different from the soaring mystical experience of astral, causal, and spiritual planes of reality (the "five regions") that is the hallmark of Sant Mat mystical cosmology.

Transcendental meditation provides the benefits we're experiencing. Lots of other types of meditation do also. My point, which perhaps wasn't too clearly expressed, is that RSSB meditators aren't experiencing anything unusual or different from other sorts of meditators.

Wouldn't you agree? From your comment, it doesn't sound like you or your husband have left your bodies, transcended time and space, and are sitting at the right hand of Sat Purush every morning.

If you are, please say hello to the Supreme Being for me.

[OshoRobbins]

Brian,
I recently had a 'chat' with GSD, as I am now getting famous for. This is what I said:
"When I first came to sant mat, I thought that I would meditate for 10 years, leave my body, get to Sach Khand, have tea with sat purush, and talk about old times.
What actally happened was that I meditated for 15 years, did not go to Sach Khand because sach khand is not a place. I did not meet Sat Purush because he is not a person. I did not have tea because he does not drink tea. I did not talk with him about old times because there is no time.
Truth is like my hair - neither black nor white - only shades of grey." (because my hair was visibly shades of grey!)
Now I made those comments - to invoke some response - so he would have the opportunity talk and say - yes you're right - these are all concepts - and there is no sach khand and no time. GSD has very clearly changed sant mat - Sach Khand is no longer a real place and sat purush is not a being.

[tao]

Anonymous,

In your comments to Brian, you said:

"Sorry to hear that you are disappointed with the R.S. path and.... What an incredible shame."

Why is the fact that the absence of transcendental experiences that the Sant mat belief system and practice promises, have to be a "shame"? What you are saying is as if Brian has missed the boat, or has failed in his 30 years of meditation. But I would suspect that it is highly improbable, if not totally unlikely, that you yourself have not reached anywhere near the sublime transcentdent spiritual plane or realization that Sant mat promises as a result of your efforts in simran, dhyan, and bhajan.

You said: "I have a different story."

Well I have a very different story. I was initiated over 25 years ago, and I have experienced extraordinarily profound transcendental spiritual states and profund self-realization.... but NOT at all as a result of doing Sant mat meditation.

In fact, these so-called 'experiences' were far beyond anything Sant mat conceives of or teaches, and they all occurred in spite of the Santmat meditation practice (which was clearly an impediment) and had actually already been abandoned. Moreover, the Santmat meditation practice and its belief system and guru-cultism was clearly understood and realized to be a significant impediment to such true and genuine transcendental spiritual awakening and deep self-realization.

And yet here we have people like yourself, who are relatively new and inexperienced in Sant mat, telling other very experienced and knowledgeable folks like Brian, that it is an "incredible shame".

I find that to be so incredibly presumptious. You put the blame upon Brian instead of upon Santmat wher it belongs. The fact and the evidence is that Santmat simply does not deliver, and you would not know anyway because I don't see that you have any sort of clarity about what it is that you are trying to achieve or to reach. You say that you are slowly plodding along, but did you ever stop to think where is it that you suppose you are going, or what exactly it is that you are trying to achieve?

You said: "All I knew was that a certain calming vibe was missing when I would see him and I had figured out that it was related to the meditation he was doing.

Calming? ... So what? Meditation in general is usually "calming" to people. But that does not prove anything at all about Santmat. Other comments have already addressed this anyway.

"I am very pleased with my progress and focus within. I have been plodding along...just like you.."

And what "progress" is that? And who says anyone besides yourself is "plodding along"?

You said: "...every year something big changes. Then my perspective changes...and I feel like there is amazing and substantial shifts in perception and clarity and stillness."

That probably has absolutely nothing to do with Sant mat meditation. That is just natural growth of your conscious awareness. Why is that people like you always try to give Sant mat meditation the credit, when there is no evidence to indicate that. In fact, all the unnecessary baggage that comes along with the RS system of meditation is very much a significant impediment and an obstruction to real spiritual growth, clarity, understnading, wisdom, and true realization.

You said: "And with every shift, I realize how much more shifting needs to occur..."

That is simply an illusion which actually indicates that you are really not progressing at all.

You said: "I'm now starting to appreciate WHY it is all going so slow (compared to what I desired orginally) and am thankful for His compassionate slow pace."

It is only "going so slow" because you are following nothing more than a belief system, and practicing a path which does not produce results. Nor does it have anything to do with "His". It is clear to me that you do not have the understanding or the wisdom to see the bigger picture.

You said: "There is still much I do not know and understand--like why some folks seem to have results after struggling and plodding along..."

Why do you assume that? Where is the evidence of that? There is no evidence of any such "results". Fyi, little flashes of light and bell sounds amount to virtually nothing spiritually. If you really desire true enlightenment, then you are really going about it in the wrong way. Don't just buy into the first 'mystic meditation' and phony guru that comes along.

You said: "...there are some satsangis out there that are really feeling good about the years of effort and graceful slow plodding."

Just "feeling good" is no measure at all of anything valid spiritually speaking. Lots of people feel go for a variety of reasons. Some of these same satsangis that you refer to have followed the path for years and even decades, and so if all they can say is they are just "feeling good", then sadly, they just really don't have a clue. If they were intelligent, they would be wise to let go of Sant mat, and then do some serious soul-searching, and then some serious study of other much more powerful and effective spiritual teachings. These people like yourself and those others you speak of, are simply wasting your entire lives in the mystical belief and myth of Sant mat.

You said: "Perhaps for you Sant Mat was just a stepping stone? Guess you won't know until that last breath."

Why would it take until then? That's a pretty dumb statement if you ask me. Now is the only time that one will ever know anything... And it is now already crystal clear that Sant mat is indeed only an (unnecessary) "stepping stone". All such things are only stepping stones...

... but The Way is always already here.

[OshoRobbins]

Anonymous,
you said:
"Then my perspective changes...and I feel like there is amazing and substantial shifts in perception and clarity and stillness.
And with every shift, I realize how much more shifting needs to occur..."

The zen master would give the disciple a koan - an illogical question that seems to have no answer. The disciple 'meditated' on it until he finally had a shift that allowed him to deeply understand. An example: What is the sound of one hand clapping?
Shifting happens all the time. Your whole life is about shifting. All paths will give you shifting. Christians, buddhists, muslims, sikhs - they all have shifting. All the scriptures of various religions, all the satsangs - they are all designed for you to get shifted.
But the greatest shifting occurs when you find a living realized person and you sit (or stand) in his company. That is the real meaning of satsang. He will do or say whatever he wants - almost like a mad man. In that madness you will find God. This is missing in sant mat. Satsang is nothing more than an intellectual exercise of reciting scriptures. Truth is never found that way. All you get instead is more concepts. That is why I said to GSD a few years ago that it is best if he puts an end to all satsangs and does them all himself. True satsang is not expostion of theory from reciting scriptures. True satsang is the company of an awakened being. That very company will awaken you by destroying your concepts and taking you way way out of your comfort zone.
Anything that keeps you in your comfort zone sends you to sleep. Collecting more beliefs and faith makes you blind.

You say "I am very pleased with my progress and focus within."

That in itself is a trap of teh ego. Who is pleased? Do you even know who the "I" is that is pleased? It is your ego self - an is it pleased because it is attaining. Truth or nirvana is NOT an attainment - it is the end of all striving. When you 'arrive at home' you will realize that you have always been home - just dreaming that you were not home! There is nothing to attain - nowhere to go. You cannot return to the one - you already are the one. Dulaity is an illusion and while you remain in duality - there will always be a "YOU" trying to get somewhere - trying to experience more and more shifts. The shifts are endless and the journey is endless. The real question you have to ask yourself is "WHO" is getting the shifts? When you find out - you will get the biggest f***ing shift of your life and it will destroy "YOU" and all the shifting. *excuse y french! - I just had to use that word for effect).
Once you get the biggest shift - your life will become a dance - you will no longet seek to attain anything. True meditation means to do nothing - then end of all doing.
"While there is a doer - you will continue to get re-born" - Granth Sahib

[OshoRobbins]

anonymous,
tao has made some pretty powerful statements in analysing your post. Truth is a lot closer than you think - it is our false beliefs that keep us bound. Any teaching that advocates effort is leading you away - because the effort is the cause of separation and duality. WHo is the YOU that is making the effort - that YOU is ego and no amount of effort is going to help you because YOU will make the effort - thereby reinforcing the ego. The real purpose of the guru is to take you beyond the ego.

Followers of sant mat do NOT HAVE a GURU - even though they think they do. The Guru is not just someone who gives you initiation. His real purpose is to get you to go beyond your comfort zone and face the truth of who you think you are. You are not who you think you are. Yet all your effort confirms that YOU are putting in the effort and you will claim the credit. You cannot avoid claiming - if you do - then you will claim the humility. It is an trap you cannot escape - until the Guru helps your realise that YOU are the problem. This is almost impossible without a direct close interaction. It cannot be done as a correspondence course.

The true guru challenges all your beliefs - he does not give you more beliefs - like meditation. Until you go beyond the 'doer' you cannot realise truth.

People will just believe anything they are told. You wrote: "I'm now starting to appreciate WHY it is all going so slow and am thankful for His compassionate slow pace."

Excuse me - but can you just read what you wrote? You are THANKFUL for the slow pace? Would you like Him to slow it down a little more? Do you actually ENJOY slow progress?

Also - there is no 'Him' doing anything at all - that is just in your mind. The human mind is capable of tremendous self-deception. You can believe anything you want and make it appear to be the truth.

[tao]

Osho,

Excellent comment. Right on target. You have said it clearer than I did. You really nailed it this time.

And I certainly do hope "Anonymous" will take it to heart.... but I won't hold my breath. Oddly, some folks are really stuck and just like to suffer I guess! Oh well...

Anonymous,

Before you go knee-jerk responding with that same old RS dogma, try to deeply contemplate upon the significance and meaning and wisdom of what OshoRobbins has said. There is indeed much liberating light and truth to be found there.

[Von Beck Jr.]

There are many masters and people claiming to be masters, and initiates of a true master that teach the teachings of the masters and claim to be "the" master, although they themselves are not truely the true master of the highest order. I am sure you know Baba Sawan Singh, but do you really know his true successor, Kirpal Singh, and his true succesor, Thakar Singh, and his successor Baljit Singh, who is currently the true master of the highest order. Yeah, people say a lot of things and beleive a lot of things but have you verified for yourself who the true master is? This could be something to check out for yourself if you have not verified with personal experince who Sant Baljit Singh is. See for your self, hopefully you find what you are looking for! You will, its only a matter of when! Love, Light, and blessings to you

[tao]

To Von Beck Jr:

Wow!!!... you are sooo deluded and full of crap. What dense rock did you crawl out from under?

Fyi, Kirpal was just another Sant mat cult guru, Thakur was a sick sexual predator, a pervert, a violent beater of young women, and a very demented child abuser. The evidence and proof for this is quite clear and quite substantial. And Baljit, well he is following right in Thakur's footsteps.

Von Beck Jr., you are one very sorry-ass dupe and in serious denial if you think that Thakur was anything more than a very disturbed, perverted, and violent SOB and a thus a complete fraud. I witnessed his slimey sexual abuse and horrific physical violence in Dehra Dhun, India long before you ever even heard of the the scum-bag. ... And according to witnesses, apparently Baljit is turning out to be little or no better.

[Osho Robbins]

I was initiated by Sant Thakar Singh, but I left before all the bad publicity began. I just did not connect with Thakar. I saw light on initiation - but so what? There was this one lady who said she heard the sound of bagpipes - so Thakar told her that her soul was reaching Sach Khand. I said it could not be because she has not even left the body. Thakar said it did not matter. She seemed to be so happy.
This is an example of hou gullible the disciples become. What Thakar was saying was actually total bullshit - but would anyone dare to question the 'master'?

Personally I cannot figure out how Thakar and the movement he created still managed to gain followers. I was in with the 'in-crowd' at the time - and they all left. The german 'wolfeing' led the way by confronting Thakar directly and Thakar admitted everything - and this was all public knowledge. How could anyone continue to follow this path - when the path itself clearly says that a master cannot be subject to the pull of sex and lower desires. Yet people still follow like sheep.

[Andrea]

Hi, i was initiated to Sant Mat by Satguru Sirio Carrapa and i've seen some other initiations by Him.
To all the people it was given an experience of Light and one of Sound during initiation.
And everybody say (me too) that many other experiences happens often.
In particular for me, i have Sound experiences just every time i desire and i've met the Radiant Form many times.
Perhaps you know a lot of Beas organization but not so much about other Sant Mat Masters.
It is not a problem (not for me, and i suppose not for you) but is not automatically "true" that some thing wasn't working for you, and in just one of the MANY places in which is present, and SO it is a trick or a lie.

[udeshpal singh mann]

sant mat is a good way of living for sure

[Marcos]

Dear OshoRobbins, please, could you elaborate about the methods you employed in order to achive the results you achived?

Well I have a very different story. I was initiated over 25 years ago, and I have experienced extraordinarily profound transcendental spiritual states and profund self-realization.... but NOT at all as a result of doing Sant mat meditation.

It would be really nice to hear about it.

[rishi]

Hi Brian and everyone..

I dont know how I bumped into this page. I was looking for something else. But I couldn't stop reading it all including the comments.

This is a beautiful discussion. I can only say if you have given 30 years to this path I bow you with respect and reverence.

As a dear friend if I could request you to please give one more day of your life to this and meet Mr Ishwar Puri or attend one of his satsangs that could change your life entirely.

Details about him you can find at
www.ishwarpuri.org

Please if you you meet him do let me know your experience. I will wait email me at [email protected]

[Silvia]

Here's a Google translation for English speakers of the following comment in Spanish:
---------------------------------
Hi Brian If you do not know Spanish, I hope you make an effort to read me. If it were not for the experiences I've had I would agree.

But throughout all this time, when I've been disappointed by the slow progress in meditation, I have always come to the conclusion that it is my responsibility for non-delivery and especially the lack of practice.

If you do not meditate at least two hours and a half, and say simran throughout the day, you're lost. Thank God I had the experience needed to know: Sant mat is as high Without the Guru there is no salvation (the illusion is strong enough to do it alone)

Satsang is powerful, fills us with incredible energy and gives us the momentum to continue. Do not give up, try an alternative Maestro! 30 are too many to throw them away.
-------------------------------------
Hola Brian
Si no sabes español, espero que hagas un esfuerzo por leerme.
Si no fuera por las experiencias que he tenido te daría la razón. Pero a lo largo de todo este tiempo, cuando me he sentido decepcionada por el lento progreso en la meditación, siempre he llegado a la conclusión que es mi responsabilidad por la falta de entrega y sobre todo la falta de práctica. Si no meditas mínimo las dos horas y media, y dices el simran a lo largo del dia, estas perdido.
Gracias a Dios he tenido las experiencias necesarias para saber que:
Sant mat es lo mas alto
Sin el guru no hay salvación ( la ilusión es tan fuerte como para lograrlo solos)
El satsang es poderoso, nos llena de una energía increíble y nos da el impulso necesario para continuar.

No te des por vencido, inténtalo con otro Maestro !
30 años son demasiados para tirarlos a la basura.

[Brad]

Dear Mr Hines,

I am a disciple of Gurinder Singh. I respect you for candidly expressing your opinion online, which, no doubt, gets you many haters. I also respect you for putting in so much meditation over the years and for writing a book for the Masters. I am in a position to prove to you that the Path is real using modern scientific inventions, should you be interested. I was going inside (Astral plane) before I was initiated through the use of scientific devices and so when I was getting onto the path I could understand that what RSSB was saying was real- the books were putting words to the experiences I was already having. Have you heard of a "tachyon"? It is a sub-atomic particle that travels faster than the speed of light. It is through these sub-atomic particles that I was first able to see the mists of the Astral Plane.

Check out "Advanced Tachyon Technologies, Santa Rosa, California"

All the best brother.

RS
Brad

p.s.- no need to be a hater

[Azartash Imani]

Your devotion to Sant mat was exemplary. I find your first hypothesis more plausible, that your guru, being a good disciple of Baba Swang, wasn't the true master who could help you. Otherwise, you didn't write so much about yourself, as one merge into love and lose his ego after so many years of guided meditation. You might know Sant Kirpal Singh. I wish you were initiated by him.
Surat Shabd yoga is working, you should find the true guru, who could help you.

[Mel]

Hi My name is Mel,
I was initiated by Sant Ji in 1982, I was a horrible mediator and married a woman who liked to eat meat. When I met my sociology professor he took me to see Nina Gitana. It was there I found Kirpal Singh. The only problem was he was dead. Being a young philosophy student doing all kinds of drugs to find my way, I took initiation. This was the era of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. I too meditated for 30 years and had a similar experience to yours. However, I was watching a YouTube video by Iswar Puri https://youtu.be/Fg3NjfKYaT0 that taught me how to see light and breakthrough to the other side on the 6th floor. Is there anything else in life that is better?

[Jesse]

"Is there anything else in life that is better?"

I like to stare at the wall, Mel. It's the path to the highest enlightenment.

Just staring at things like walls is the best.

Something about waves and oceans and a guru agreeing with me. Money? All that stuff.

Just staring. Always staring. Only staring.