Dalai Lama is on Maui too. Is compassion contagious?

At the moment the Dalai Lama and I are on opposite sides of Maui. He's on a two day speaking tour in Paia and Wailuku, and we're condo'ing it on Napili Bay.

We're opposites in more ways than that, obviously. Yesterday the Dalai Lama spoke about compassion, saying "Compassion is the universal message of all traditions."

I often come up short in the compassion department. Tuesday morning, a few hours before the Dalai Lama's free talk at Maui's War Memorial Stadium, my wife took me to task for being self-centered and (one of her favorite ex-psychotherapist terms) "having a sense of entitlement."

Which most men are over-stocked with, in Laurel's entirely accurate opinion.

The Napili Kai Beach Club walkway to the beach is a narrow rocky path. There's room for two people to walk abreast, but just barely. Carrying my boogie board in one hand and a beach mat in the other, I saw some people coming the other way.

I moved over to the right against the railing as far as I could go. It was obvious to me that there was room for the other group to pass. And there was.

But I was criticized as soon as they were out of earshot. "You should have gotten completely off the path when you saw them coming. That's what I did. You need to be more considerate."

The last statement of Laurel's was indisputable, in general. However, I defended myself in this particular instance. "They got by just fine. I knew that they could. There wasn't any reason for me to do anything more."

I was right. Yet also wrong. For I readily admit that my viewpoint of the situation was almost entirely from my own perspective.

It was our first full day on Maui. I was eager to get to the beach. I didn't want to delay my arrival by even a few seconds. I calculated that I could keep on walking, with a rightward sidestep, and not interfere with the other people.

Me, me, me. A Honolulu resident, Caroline Odo, came over to Maui to hear the Dalai Lama. She's quoted in the Maui News.

I have my own faith, and he's still affirming the things that I believe in. It's all about having respect for one another and showing love to one another—you don't have to bring religion into it.

Indeed, the newspaper story says:

He told his listeners not to consider negative emotions to be a natural "part of our mind," but to embrace emotions "that are good for (your) mental health." "These are not religious examples, but scientific explanations," he said.

One of the reasons I like Douglas Hofstadter's "I Am a Strange Loop" so much, the subject of my two previous posts, is that Hofstadter likewise considers the human condition from a scientific/philosophic rather than spiritual/religious perspective.

Like the Dalai Lama, he challenges the notion that each of us is an isolated "I," separate and distinct from everyone and everything else. Hofstadter's conception of soul is markedly different from most religio-mystical teachings (though not so much from Buddhism).

To him, souls aren't encapsulated in a single body—the "caged bird" metaphor. Each of us is the result of innumerable influences acquired over a lifetime of interactions with countless animate and inanimate entities.

Our "I" is shape-shifting continuously; there's no firm boundary between either us and other people, or between the person we are right now and the "I" we have been in the past and will be in the next moment. Hofstadter says:

What makes all of this so counterintuitive — verging on the incomprehensible, at times — is that your brain (like mine, like everyone's) had told itself a million times a self-reinforcing story whose central player is called "I", and one of the most crucial aspects of this "I", an aspect that is truly a sine qua non for "I"-ness, is that it fluently flits into other brains, at least partially.

Out of intimacy, out of empathy, out of friendship, and out of relatedness (as well as for other reasons), your brain's "I" continually makes darting little forays into other brains, seeing things to some extent from their point of view, and thus convincing itself that it could easily be housed in them…[Indeed] your "I" isn't housed anywhere.

Today, leaving the beach after an enjoyable couple of hours boogie-boarding (me), snorkeling (Laurel), and people-watching (both of us), we decided to exchange our wet and sandy towels.

The towel hut wasn't far away on the Napili Kai grounds. But it took us quite a while to get there. We found ourselves behind an older couple, he getting along with a cane, she arm in arm with him—not looking so spry herself.

The wide curving sidewalk allowed plenty of room to pass. We could also have stepped onto the lawn and moved around them easily. Today, though, I didn't feel any inclination to do anything but stay well behind them.

I paused to read signboards. I stopped to look out to sea. I did my best to not let the couple know that some speedier people were behind them.

I put myself in their place: enjoying their vacation, knowing that there won't be many more times they'll be able to visit Maui, happy that they can still hold onto each other and move, albeit slowly, along a walkway beside beautiful Napili Bay. They didn't need a "young" 58 year old breezing past them, a reminder of healthier years gone by that won't come again.

A small – very small – act of compassion. Maybe a tiny bit of the Dalai Lama had entered my soul, from what I'd read in the Maui News this morning and perhaps even vibes that had soared over the West Maui mountains and landed on Napili Bay.

Regardless, I felt better than I had the day before, when I'd kept on walking rather than stepping aside.

After exchanging our towels, Laurel and I found ourselves behind another slow-moving bunch on the oceanside path. Different people, same reaction. I was happy to stroll at their pace, bringing up the rear, hungry for lunch though I was.

When they turned off toward their building, Laurel said, "Wow. You were so patient. I'm impressed." "Actually," I told her, "this time you were the one guilty of tail-gating—or rather, butt-gating. I think you should have stayed further behind them so they didn't feel pressured."

Now, saying those words really felt good. Hah, beat you this time at the compassion game, lovely wife of mine. Which indicates that I've got a ways to go before egolessness is complete.

But, hey, I'm a man. Give me some slack. Like most of my gender, I've got more of an ego to lose.

Comments

[Edward]

Really though, you may be conflating personal consideration and good manners with compassion.

Being patient, putting myself in others' shoes, smiling at passers by: all good manners and social etiquette. This is a discipline, I train it into our children, I use it selfishly to set myself up for other altruism and human contact.

On the other hand, the Dalai Lama represents a philosophical tradition that imposes a dictum: the central condition of life is suffering, and compassion is the discipline that we can use actively to allay suffering.

It is easy to see a watered down version of this buddhist principle. For all the publicity, the Dalai Lama has become a character in a play, an element of "maya", a yummy confection on the treat shelf of mediated spirituality. With book tours!

Compassion is not simply having sympathy for another's condition; it is my thorough realization that there is no difference between me and you, and any suffering is not "yours" or "mine". Compassion is the collapse of the social niceties, not the gilding of them.

In some sense, Hofstadter's notion of a flitting "I" compounds the illusion in that it presumes a home for this reflexive awareness to which the "I" goes to roost. Compassion would be more profound, akin to motility itself. Such a quality is a pervasive condition of existence, which either flourishes or atrophies.

[Roger]

Following is some info that I found through some internet searches;

We also begin to see that suffering is universal in all sentient beings. We will all face suffering during our lives. It seems that the essential reason why we find it difficult to relate to other people's suffering is our sense of being a totally separate person. Imagine a deep, wide, river flowing along. Suddenly it falls over a high precipice. The river becomes a waterfall, breaking up into myriads of droplets. Each droplet seems separate, buffeted about by external forces, fighting for its very existence. But at the bottom of the waterfall all the drops merge back into a river, all separateness gone. We humans are rather like the drops of water, forgetting that we are always part of the great river of life. The sense of separateness is really an illusion. Everything on the planet, everything in the universe is interconnected. From this perspective, another person's suffering is our suffering.

True compassion arises naturally when our ego-protecting thoughts begin to die down. We can aid that process by being mindful, opening our hearts to our own discomfort and pain, and being compassionate towards ourselves. When the painful barrier of separateness begins to crumble, compassion flows outwards from the heart, unconditionally to all beings.

[Dennis]

Wow, It must be nice to have a wife who criticizes you for insignificant things like that, even when you got out of the couples way as far as you could!I would have told her to "just shut your yap and keep walking!"

[ander]

The Sixth Patriarch's Dharma Jewel Platform Sutra:

Great assembly, do not be confused and say that concentration and wisdom are different. Concentration and wisdom are one substance, not two. Concentration is the substance of wisdom, and wisdom is the function of concentration.

Where there is wisdom, concentration is in the wisdom. Where there is concentration, wisdom is in the concentration. If you understand this principle, you understand the balanced study of concentration and wisdom.

"Students of the Way, do not say that first there is concentration, which produces wisdom, or that first there is wisdom, which produces concentration: do not say that the two are different. To hold this view implies a duality of dharma-If your speech is good, but your mind is not, then concentration and wisdom are useless because they are not equal. If mind and speech are both good, the inner and outer are alike, and concentration and wisdom are equal.

"Self-enlightenment, cultivation, and practice are not a matter for debate. If you debate which comes first, then you are like a confused man who does not cut off ideas of victory and defeat, but magnifies the notion of self and dharmas, and does not disassociate himself from the four mark."

"Good Knowing Advisors, what are concentration and wisdom like? They are like a lamp and its light. With the lamp, there is light. Without the lamp, there is darkness. The lamp is the substance of the light and the light is the function of the lamp. Although there are two names, there is one fundamental substance. The dharma of concentration and wisdom is also thus."

Or Sawan Singh, on undivided attention and concetration.

The truth is within yourself to get it. You have heard the sound enough in its feeble form. That should give you a start. The outward enquiry is over and the inward search should commense.

The first essential thing is concentration- bringing the scattered and scattering attention in the eye focus. It is the attention or sense of feeling, mind and so forth, no matter what name you give it ( for at this stage it is a combination of all), that is to see and hear within , just as seeing and hearing outwardly now……
……..

you may have observed that this attention is not permanently attached to any material object in this world. From childhood onward it has had its likes and dislikes. At one time it is attached to friends, at another to family and so on. It not stuck to one thing. Herein lies the remedy: the attention is detachable.

So what we do in our method of concentration is to place before our attention the vision of the inner worlds. By repeatedly putting those scenes before it , we bring it again and again into focus. We are substituting the vision of the inner worlds in place of the outer and material world. Jot Niranjan for example, when remembered, suggests the idea of candle light and bell sound, inside the eye focus; similarly with other names. The five names thus give the feature of the path within and when we remember these, we are, in a way, bringing our attention onto the inner path. It is only a matter of effort, longing, determination and persistence in the face of failure, when this switching of the attention from the external material world , onto the inner worlds will become easy and a matter of routine. Sticking to eye focus is essential.

The mind will run away and you find it has run away bring it back into the focus….
Sleep only means that the mind was withdrawn from the external world but we did not stick to eye focus and instead the attention sank down to the lower focus- the throat or navel.

Sticking to eye focus is essential.

p. 217 spiritual gems

[tao]

Ander,

Thats just a lot of words which really say nothing and mean nothing. Rather boring too. Don't take it personally.

All the while, life is happening, and it has nothing at all to do with such wordy and meaningless spiritual philosophy.

[Sita]

A monk spoke about compassion..

He didn't mind eating meat..

Roger, I like your letter.

[Ander]

Is very simple really,not as easy to accomplish but let me attempt an interpretation. Maybe they are meaningless, but thats from your perspective.

"Know the masculine, But keep to the feminine"-Tao Teh Ching

You Are Ur concentration. You Are your focus of Attention. What you Are is your Attention, And your Attention is what you Are.

If you are looking at empty cup, ur that empty cup, if ur looking at a blossomed tree ur Are that blossomed tree. But again, this could be taken solely as carrying symbolism in it(empty cup, blossomed tree, emptiness fullness, vaccum plenum, or whatever other association one makes in his real life when he listens to the word emptiness or vacumm. Just words, which exist only in relation to other words) It wasnt intended.

If your staring at table,,ur table.Table is you.

'If you feel like shit, you yourself is the shit'- Rumi.

'When you walk, walk,
when talk, talk,
When you sit, sit.
Above all dont womble'-Tao

Wisdom is concentration, concentration is wisdom.Do not think of them as different says the patriarch. Stinking to the eye focus is essential says Sawan.

Stinking to the focus is essential.

[Ander]

And yes life is happening, ur right.Change your reaction to her.
We cant really change life, cause life is pretty simple as well.

"A bath when you'are born
A Bath when you die.
How stupid"
-Kobayassi Issa

[R Blog]

True compassion is the time and effort our wives put into the "debriefings" of their husband's boorish behavior.

[tao]

Ander wrote:

"...let me attempt an interpretation."

Yadda yadda yadda.

"Maybe they are meaningless, but thats from your perspective."

Just more babble.

"Know the masculine, But keep to the feminine -Tao Teh Ching "

Mere words.

"You Are Ur concentration. You Are your focus of Attention. What you Are is your Attention, And your Attention is what you Are."

More blah blah blah.

"If you are looking at empty cup, ur that empty cup, if ur looking at a blossomed tree ur Are that blossomed tree."

More pseudo-philosophical nonsense.

"If your staring at table,,ur table. Table is you."

Meaningless psycho-babble.

"'If you feel like shit, you yourself is the shit'- Rumi."

BS.

"'When you walk, walk,
when talk, talk,
When you sit, sit.
Above all dont womble'-Tao"

Duuuhhh.

"Wisdom is concentration, concentration is wisdom."

More pseudo-spiritual psycho-babble.

"Stinking to the eye focus is essential says Sawan."

Tell your "Stinking" Sawan he can kiss my ass.

"Stinking to the focus is essential."

"Stinking" you say? ... Well yes, as a matter of fact all that meaningless spiritual psycho-babble really does stink.

[Manjit]

Tao / Soamianami,

you really do sound like a confused, angry & bitter man.

I hope you can move pasttthatone day.

PS, the irony of you calling a Rumi quote BS, in the face of the complete and utter paranoid nonsense you post here and on RSS is not lost on me, at least.

It would be funny, if it wasn't so sad.

[ander]

Manjit,

We are kind of regulars here, and sometimes things get a little, well i wouldnt say boring, but mellow.
Teasing Tao,is one of the entertainnments.

predictable reactions
..,,,(and I am trailing off here) the internet is a very new way of communications, I guess, for us humans.Homosapiens. Isnt it? Very strange. An instant letter, that would take days arrive, its there,instantly. Words, packed with meanings. We cannot see the other person or hear his/her voice. Its an almost instant responce, out there, for all people to read.Millions of them. F****** amazing.
Even though we may be addressing two or three, or many cases just one.In this domain u must be a writer first of all, and then transfer ur msg.In this domain, we are write. We are writers. From one perspective we could all appear as artists. Novelists, part of a greater narrative, which, though, coming back to Tao, could be,,,,,MEANINGLESS. So I lake his bla bla bla, I read them. In the text. As it is.In a Big F***** Meaningless Novel called the internet.Which gets people to hang themselves while others it brings into marriage. We are still new in this internet thing.

But its a medium, nevetheless, and some things u have to read either you like it or not,and "if you feel like shit, u yourself is the shit".-Rumi

[John]

I can only say entering the sanctity of marrige is a contract with Satan for the advancement and propagation of His world.
Marrage is the worship of lucifer world. What you get back is a wheel to roll everyday to advance the plan, wash out the
accomplishments that to nothing then start again.. Get out of the wheel ? No - your married, therefore you married Satan. Your real bride and your real carear is Satan and the perpetuation of satan world.

[John]

I can only say entering the sanctity of marrige is a contract with Satan for the advancement and propagation of His world.
Marrage is the worship of lucifer world. What you get back is a wheel to roll everyday to advance the plan, wash out the
accomplishments that to nothing then start again.. Get out of the wheel ? No - your married, therefore you married Satan. Your real bride and your real carear is Satan and the perpetuation of satan world.

[Dennis]

Holy Crap!, the Loons are crawling out of the woodwork on this post!!

[Tucson Bob]

Dennis,

John is actually Alec Baldwin.

[tao]

Manjit,

You can kiss my sweet ass, and then go crawl back down into your hole of pompous ignorance from whence you came.

Ander,

Rather good point. Sorry if I seemed to have given you a hard time. I was just teasing you too.

But nevertheless, watch out and don't step in that there Rumi "shit".

[ander]

'Life is fair' isnt brian?

[tao]

How dare he blaspheme Lucifer, the Angel of Light?

John's "marriage" is but in his mind... as he believes it.

"Every Man and every Woman is a Star."
-- Aleister Crowley

[Lorie Borst]

THIS IS A NOTE FOR SATAN... I THINK MOST OF US KNOW THAT WE WILL BE IN SPIRITUAL FORM WHEN JESUS COMES... I THINK WE ALSO KNOW THAT SATAN FLIES, AND CHRIST IS AGAINST TEACHING HIS PEOPLE TO FLY... I HAVE TO ADMIT ANTHONY BREWER YOU REPRESENT SATAN TO ME... ACCORDING TO KING JAMES 33.3 PERCENT OF THE PEOPLE CHOSE TO FOLLOW SATAN RATHER THAN CHRIST.. I HAVE TO HAND IT TO YOU,ANTMAN, TO HAVE REGGIE THE GATOR, AND DUMP HIM IN A LAKE, ONLY TO PROFIT OFF BUMPER STICKERS, SHIRTS, BIBS, THAT ALL SAY "save reggie" .. THAT WAS BRILLIANT.. AS WE KNOW SATAN HAS LOGIC, BUT HE CAN'T SPELL AND IS A COWARD WHO HIDES BEHIND HIS COMPUTER ALL DAY WAITING TO CONFUSE SOME INNOCENT PEOPLE... HIS FIVE MONTHS ARE ALMOST OVER...(GOD SHORTENED THE TIME) SO PEOPLE MAKE SURE YOU ARE NOT FOOLED BY SATAN,
WE ALL KNOW THAT CHRIST KNOWS SCRIPTURE BEST,AND SINCE LUCIFER WAS GODS BRIGHTEST ANGEL HE KNOWS SCRIPTURE AND WILL TWIST IT, TO MAKE YOU FEEL TERRIBLE... HE IS A COWARD AND SHOULD REMAIN IN HIS HOLE... NO ONE CARES... ITS A MATTER OF TIME... SO PEOPLE STOP BEING SO GREEDY IF YOU ARE ITS NOT TO LATE... IF THIS MESSAGE TOUCHES ONE PERSON I DID MY JOB... I CAN WRITE THIS BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN GUILTY IN THE PAST AND HAVE BEEN FORGIVEN AND CHOOSE TO WALK IN THE LIGHT.. THANK YOU AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT I WRITE I DON'T CARE SAVE YOUR INSULTS

[tao]

Lorie Borst,

You are a rather confused person who is full of goofy religious mumbo-jumbo. Why are you posting on this site? You say you don't care about insults, but your crazed hit-and-run style of mindless Jesus-versus-Satan garbage is an insult to the general intelligence and common sense of others who frequent this forum.