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March 05, 2007


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I enjoy your perspective and always appreciate reading your essays. Keep going.



I have also had the feeling of panic when the full impact of the concept of 'forever non-existing' after death is realized. It is a feeling like no other and can be life-changing. Being tossed to lions couldn't have scared me more.

I first had it as a teenager and my personal coping response was to become a party animal, to have all the fun I could have right now for as long as it lasted. To hell with school, I'm going surfing. To hell with homework, I'm going to get stoned with my girlfriend.

I think this experience is common and people's response to it varies. Some become very ambitious, hoping to make a big impact in life and build something either materially or in the realm of ideas that will outlast their lifespan and give them some sense immortality. But after 60 trillion years or so, tall buildings, massive fortunes, generations of descendants, works of art or writing...they all will be long gone and forgotten...not even dust. And that will be just the beginning of eternity within the concept of linear time. Some respond simply by immersing themselves in their drug of choice.

Many cope with religion. I don't think people are as naive as it appears. Deep down, they all have doubts that there could be a God, a savior, a heaven, an afterlife, but they want to believe, they NEED to believe. So they put on the blinders and carry on hoping that somehow it is real.

In my case, I eventually got involved with various yogic and mystic paths. They seemed more rational than faith in some religion (although some of these paths definitely resemble religions), because they give you a vision and something active to do to achieve your salvation beyond just going to church or mosque and blindly believing what the robed character in the pulpit is telling you.

Now, think of this. If there really is 'time' in the sense that we conceive of it...a line of sequential events that carry on forever into the future. This line must also extend sequentially forever into the past. Forget Einstein and his curved space relativity theories. Even if there is nothing, time passes. There just isn't anyone to know it. So, if this line goes forever into the past, how could your moment of being ever have come to exist?


You see, what you really are is this awareness now. Not the content of awareness, but the awareness within which the creation appears. Your body, your thoughts, your perceptions which 'die', conceptual sequentiality, all pass within this awareness. But this awareness is no thing in itself. It has no form, color or name. It is unborn, unknowable and not subject to the concept of time. It is what you were before you were born and what you will be after. It is here now and can never be anyplace else.

Where do you go when you die? Right here. Right now. That's where. And what will be here now?

In the same way that we have varied experiences in this life, the content of the awareness will vary after this body disappears. It may be heaven, hell, angels, astral planes, white light, your favorite dog, or another form or "rebirth", but the awareness remains. It may be the primordial luminous 'Void' spoken of by sages since time immemorial, but chances are phenomena will continue to appear.

Don't worry. Be happy.

Does they thinks that the soul-eating evermore is imperceptible to the now awareness, precious? Is it that a tweak of our time idea moves us out of never? We hides beneath our clever ignorance? The maw yet awaits...

Feeling non-existence? Can't be done.
Happy to be? All meaning, no sense.

When you are only afraid of fear, you have but pricked the surface. R A Wilson quothe, "Chapel Perilous, like the mysterious entity called "I," cannot be located in the space-time continuum; it is weightless, odorless, tastless and undetectable by ordinary instruments. Indeed, like the Ego, it is even possible to deny that it is there. And yet, even more like the Ego, once you are inside it, there doesn't seem to be any way to ever get out again, until you suddenly discover that it has been brought into existence by thought and does not exist outside thought."

Intellect is opposition! Being and non-being arise simultaneously!

Does it eats itself? Oughtn't it?


Nothingness... by very definition... does not exist. So what's to fear?

Tucson Bob,

The wisdom of your comment twas all so right on... and reflects my own sentiment as well.


I was more or less going to say precisely the same thing... but then you've done such a beautiful job, nothing more need be said.

Tucson Bob, Tao, Edward;

The Awareness is the Infinite? Then, the Consciousness is the Finite?

I'm still not clear regarding the two words.

I know a word can have many definitions. Likewise, a definition can be attached to many different words. I am trying to find some common agreement on the above words, usage and defintion.

This no big deal. However, if there is some feedback, I would appreciate some.


Lewis Thomas notes: "Coral polyps are biologically self-conscious. If you place polyps of the same genetic line together, touching each other, they will fuse and become a single polyp, but if the lines are different, one will reject the other."

Etymologically, "aware" is watchful; "conscious" is knowing. These are the condition of the polyp: from the viewpoint of the infinite, hasn't the polyp always known? From the viewpoint of the finite, isn't that individual polyp ready now?

In these terms, it is easy to aver that there are no religious repercussions, laughable to think the polyp does not suffer some existential angst over this identity challenge. There's no proof, of course, but there's really no need: import the set "possible polyp worlds" into the set "infinite worlds," and you have the basis for religious belief based on, (and this is important,) a mathematical structure: if it possible that there is a personal god, coral polyps pray.

And it is ironic that they pray to Agni.

As you say, it is hard to accurately express something intuitive/non-conceptual with words.

I would like to attempt to clarify what I said above: "...what you really are is this awareness now. Not the content of awareness, but the awareness within which the creation appears."

This would imply that the creation (phenomena) and this consciousness/awareness we're talking about are two things or somehow separate.

One could say that the universe (creation) is 'I'. But it would not be correct to say that 'I' am the universe. What is the difference you say? It is the difference between subject and object. The universe is not the subject of 'I'. This 'I' is not an object at all, it is no 'thing' at all.

What we are is not an entity or object. We are not anything to be known. Stop regarding the universe and yourself as an object. Look in the right direction where there is no direction at all, where there is no 'thing' to measured from any 'where'.

Like I said. It's tough to put an intuitive perception into words. I may have just dug a deeper hole that will just lead to more questions.

It is as it is. Now !

High Anxiety is not unusual and be caused by
a malfunctioning of mechanism in the brain that requlate proper chemical balance.
Prozac has been very successful in treating
anxiety like has been discribed.


That's a damn lie. You don't know what the hell you are talking about. You are seriously misinformed and/or brainwashed. Go peddle your pharmaceutical drug company agenda somewhere else.

For your information, Prozac has caused far more problems than solutions. Prozac is bad news, all the way around.

Toe, you seem to be a little agitated.

Prozac, and it's derivitives has help many thousands of people.

Perhaps it may help you.

Has it been been 60 trillion years already.?

Seems like just yesterday.

its only FUCKING SAND @#$%^@^ AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

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