Hey, God, shut up! No more conversations

Like a good lapsed Catholic, I will begin by confessing that I’ve never read “Conversations with God.” Nor any other of Neale Donald Walsch’s follow-up books (whatever or whoever God is, “wordy” certainly defines the supreme being).

I have, however, perused brief articles such as I found in a New Connexion issue that I’d picked up at a natural food store, needing some reading material to accompany my lunch of whole wheat pizza.

In a “What Does God Really Want?” interview, Walsch clues us in to the meaning of life as revealed by the Big Man Upstairs. Who, to encapsulate Walsch’s core message, is you. And me. And Neale Donald Walsch. Though a few of us get to enjoy million dollar book deals as a result of our identity with God, and most of us don’t, sadly.

Appealingly, I learned that God doesn’t require anything of us. Not meditation, or study, or anything else. Right now each of us is experiencing our own divinity. If we don’t know this, it’s because we aren’t willing to have the experience.

Somewhat paradoxically, however, Walsch says there are tools and techniques with which people can move themselves into the actual experience of God. Conveniently, these will be described in his latest book, “The Holy Experience.”

The article says that sample chapters are available for free on Walsch’s website. I couldn’t find any mention of them, but lots of unfree stuff for sale was easy to locate.

Well, the New Connexions piece told me that the central thought of “What God Wants” ($14 direct from Walsch and Co., $14.95 at Amazon) is “contained in chapter 13, and that chapter is a series of blank pages.” Thus I suggest saving your money. Why pay for nothing when that’s available gratis?

I may sound unduly critical of Walsch. Actually, I think he’s on to something. Fame and fortune, certainly. Yet also more than that. Heck, anyone who raises the righteous ire of true believing Christians earns kudos from me (some criticisms here and here). And positively, the notion that God speaks to each of us equally appeals to my churchless soul.

Yet what intrigues me the most is the question of what happens when God stops yapping away. Walsch whipped out a yellow pad and started scribbling when he began to get inspirations from God. Which, he’d be the first to admit, means from himself. (But calling his book “Conversations with Me” would have put a crimp in his publishing deal, for sure).

In the same vein, I’ve had plenty of conversations with God. I’m having one right now, in fact. I search my consciousness for inspiration, get a flash of insight, and transmit it through my touch-typing fingers to a computer screen, where it soon will be uploaded to this blog so that others may admire my divinity.

We all do this. There’s no reason to believe that Walsch has any special connection with truth that anyone else lacks. He’s a skilled marketer and purveyor of feel-good New Age platitudes. I’ve got a certain talent for communicating my own platitudes. So do we all.

The conversations we have with ourselves are interesting, no doubt. They keep me blogging away most days. But are the words inside my head, the ones that I speak to myself in a recursive blabfest that has lots of entertainment value but previous little wisdom, what I’m really after?

If so, I’ve got it.

If not, I don’t. And that’s a lot closer to how I feel.

God, my good friend whom I’m told is me, you need to learn how to shut the fuck up. Once in a while, at least. Now I know that we’ve been having this conversation for a long time. Ever since I started meditating in 1969, right?

I think it’s time to take our relationship to the next level. By which I mean, you need to take a hike. Adios, amigo. It was nice knowing you. Sayonara. One of us is unnecessary, and since I have a special fondness for me, I’m letting you go. Not that I believe you’ll depart my cranium immediately. This likely will be a gradual goodbye.

Walsch’s philosophy, says one of his critics, basically is monistic. Sounds right to me. There’s only one thing going on in the cosmos. Let’s call this “God.” And take this to a logical conclusion. Conversations require two to verbally tango. So who is talking to who when we’re conversing with God?

Probably Walsch has an answer to this question. But no matter. To my increasingly monistically inclined mind it’s wrong. The whole idea of questions and answers, speakers and listeners, words and silence, seems off-base when it comes to the ultimate.

I can’t prove that assertion. Or even clarify it. It’s just what God told me to say. That son of a gun is still hanging around.

Comments

[Marcel Cairo]

I guess now that you've accepted your divine self, Laurel, your wife, can write her own series of God books - "What God Is Saying When He Snores," "Always Cleaning Up After God," and the best selling, "Yes, God, I Smashed Your Computer." :-)

[Brian]

Marcel, excellent ideas. I'm impressed. It's almost as if you've been hiding out in our home, eavesdropping on us. But that's what I'd expect from a medium.

This very morning Laurel was complaining about last night's snoring. Of course, that happens many mornings.

Sadly, I don't see much evidence that she embraces my divinity like I do. I've always thought that the secret to a happy marriage is that the woman treats the man like God, and so does the man--treat himself like God.

Unfortunately, thinking doesn't make it so. Like I said on your show, I do, however, believe that our dog worships me. Near dinner time, at least, and when she wants to go for a walk.

[jumpingworm]

attack of the kundalini !!!

http://www.om-guru.com/html/saints/gopi.html

[Edward]

I haven't read Walsch either, don't really care to, it reminds me of the "Children's Letters to Santa," thing that is run every year.

I was in a bookstore in Beaverton when Walsch was there to sign his books, resplendent in his robes, sitting there while the queue formed. Our friend said, "Oh, look at them all, linin' up to talk to God!" As an herbalist, she was pretty much a hands-on sort, and her comment captured what you are saying here - the six degrees of separation and consumer stance that many people need to have in their spiritual lives.

Walsch feeds that need, as does St Patrick's cathedral, selling glow-in-the-dark BVMs in the nave of the church. But my echolalia doesn't help with understanding this. Lately, all the small quiet voice has been saying is "GOMEZ!" over and over.

[spooky]

I actually have read the book, years agooooooh...and yes its pretty pursuasive, well written and funny. Very commercial too, indeed feeding a need. But it was allright. Not very elevating but quit harmless. I prever, however, books like God"s Whisper, Creation"s Thunder! Ha! It truly made some stuff clear for me.

[Dvorah-gee!]

( God ONLY knows how I found you Guys!) Who are you? Anyway, this is for your enjoyment (although who knows if you'll like it, you guys are so finicky and wonderfully cynical!)

Shut UP! An Ancient Mantra for Complete Happiness! (The Simple Truth Your Guru, Therapist and Grandmother Forgot To Tell you!) A-3 min (or so) FUNNY (maybe) - music video!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qev6xgnvdKY&feature=related

Love your friend Dvorah-gee!
(BTW you can be Spiritually Independent and still have a GURU!)

"God is a name, written in a book, painted on a canvas, hanging on a wall, in the mind of a scriptwriter. The GURU is the scriptwriter. He is all there IS. And he is the only one that can give you peace. Why? Because He is your Very Nature. It's that simple.

Now, if you're lucky enough to find a Guru in the flesh, standing in front of you, calling your name, you better lay your burden down, because this is your chance to be free.

Never mind about all ther questiions, doubts, and nonsense you've heard. Drop your misery and step into the embrace of that sweet love That Is.

You don't every have to worry about finding the right Guru. He will find you, and that's a promise - straight from the GURU."

(from the book: Shut Up! An Ancient Mantra for Complete Happiness)

[Robert Paul Howard]

Love (and happiness): - very seldom expressed in the "Comments" section of this weblog.

Robert Paul Howard

[Brian]

Dvorah-gee, love the video! Thanks for the smiles and laughter. Terrific.

We all need more craziness, mystery, and shut up! in our lives.

So true...the universe is singing to us at every moment, and our noisy little minds, so full of religious and every other sort of concepts, keep on talking over the music.

[Eric]

lol church of the churchless that's a good one LOL! XD

Yeah! God SDFU! Jellous son of a bitch...

[Eric]

Who does God think ha is ordering us around like we are nothing the fact is we are nothing and God's just being show off... I'd sure like to give God clear slap across the face with the back of my hand (HOLY Asshole).