A few days ago I had a revelation. Galobet spoke to me. That’s the true name of God. I’m sure of that, because the God who wants us to know him as Galobet told me. So my advice is: believe!
Unless you don’t want to. In that case, I’m not responsible for how Galobet responds. You’ve been warned.
Here’s the story of my revelation. It will undoubtedly be told throughout the ages. Or at least as long as my TypePad blog account is paid up. I begin with the first of a series of miraculous occurrences.
LifeSource Natural Foods had a type of coffee on sale that I hadn’t bought before, an organic Fair Trade french roast. Since I always buy whatever is cheapest, the beans came home with me. And got ground.
Then, made into a cup of coffee on the Most Holy Day, Monday, April 17, 2006--when Galobet was revealed to the world though me, Galobet’s unhumble servant. The miracle is that this particular french roast was damn strong. Even stronger than the strong coffee that I habitually brew every morning.
So after sipping my way through some pre-meditation reading, my consciousness was marvelously attuned to Galobet’s divine message. I was flying high on the swiftly beating wings of caffeine. This proximity to Galobet’s heavenly realm allowed me to hear his words (I’m not sure if Galobet is a “he,” but since I am, and I’m Galobet’s chosen messenger, I’m going with the masculine pronoun.)
“I am all of the gods so far known to humankind. And yet I am so much more, my beloved Brian. You are destined to reveal my nature to the world.”
Understand, Galobet hadn’t yet spoken his name to me. All I knew was that a godly entity was communicating with me. This being had the power to form thoughts in my mind, so akin to my own that there was scarcely a hairsbreadth of difference between them. Such is the glory of Galobet—Oneness.
I was impelled to grab pen and paper. I felt Galobet’s guidance flowing through the sacred medium of the super strong cup of french roast coffee that enabled me to discern the mysteries of the cosmos with marvelous clarity.
Everything was becoming crystal clear, in much the same way as I remember my college statistics textbook becoming so much more interesting after a Benzedrine or two. Except, this natural high came from organic Fair Trade beans. And Galobet was directing my thoughts. He wanted to be known. I was to be his messenger.
I started jotting down the names of God associated with the major religions. I threw in Neoplatonism, even though it isn’t really a religion, because it is a philosophy that forms the root of many faiths. Not that I need to explain myself. Galobet can do whatever he wants; I am simply a tool in his mighty hand.
There was something here. I knew it. But Galobet wanted me to struggle with his revelation a bit. I wrote down the first letter of each name of God. I rearranged them in various ways. At first I had “Jehovah” for Judaism, but suddenly “Lord” struck me as a better choice.
I went from JAGBEOT to JAGOBET to LAGOBET. And then came the divine inspiration:
GALOBET. Right away it just seemed so…right. I had revealed the name of God, the God who encompasses all other gods, the God who was using my caffeine-soaked brain as his revelatory blackboard.
Praise be Galobet’s name, I present here the sacred piece of paper on which his nature first was revealed. I am ashamed to admit that when I lovingly placed this holy text in my scanner, I thought, “If only I had known that I was to be Galobet’s earthly messenger, I wouldn’t have put a free notepad from a gun shop in my meditation area.”
But then I realized, “Brian, how little is your faith. Galobet makes no mistakes. His will is supreme. If anyone looks down upon this revelation merely because of the paper on which it was written, they should be sorry for their failing, not you.” Ah, how true. The message is more important than either the messenger or the messenger’s gun shop notepad.
This message is so deep and profound I have barely begun to scratch the surface of it in this post. I must be content with just a few preliminary observations. We see that the true holy name is divided into three areas: GAL, the Western names of God, Allah, and Lord; O, the bridging Neoplatonist name of One; and BET, the Eastern names of Brahman, Emptiness, and Tao.
I leave it to the Galobet theologians who surely will follow in my footsteps to consider the possible meanings of “GAL” and “BET.” On the face of it, Galobet is hinting at his feminine predilections and the likelihood that given a choice between the gods of West and East, the East has better odds of being true.
My readers, in this divine communication I have tested your capacity for absorbing miraculousness. But please, permit me to share one final example of Galobet’s revelatory wonders.
After learning the true name of God, I decided to consult Google to see if there had been any false prophets before me. I typed in “Galobet” and waited a few seconds. The results appeared.
Just 104 of them. Not many. And what was the #1 Galobet search result: this.
Praise Galobet! I asked a German speaking friend, Irmgard, to translate “Der herr mine Gott.” She wrote back to me:
Hi Brian, This looks like perhaps Pennsylvania Dutch, Mennonite or some other "pseudo" German. I'm sure this is what they are trying to say: Galobet (German Round of Praise) Galo -o-o-o-o-o-o-bet sigh Gelobt sei der Herr mein Gott Galo -o-o-o-o-o-o-bet sigh --Praise to the Lord, my God--- Der herr mine Gott. more literal translation: --Praised be the Lord, my God-- In very old German you will find the word for "praised" shown as gelobet, but any prayer books I have of even my great-grandmother is gelobt.
Is it possible not to believe, my friends?