Oh, I'm sorry.
Maybe you were the one I stood next to this afternoon at Bridgeport Village, buying some Peets coffee after picking up an iPhone 6s on the very first day they were available, overshadowing you with the coolness invisibly yet tangibly emanating from the boxed Apple device sitting in my backpack.
Couldn't help it.
As everyone knows -- except for those who shun all things Apple, and what can I say to them except, I'm so sorry for you -- owning an iPhone, MacBook Pro, iPad, or whatever else Apple makes adds immeasurably to a person's Coolness Factor.
If you don't believe this, you could have asked those standing in line with me outside the Bridgeport Village Apple Store. We all had reservations to pick up an iPhone 6s via the iPhone Upgrade Program.
The process went very smoothly, in no small part because there seemed to be more Apple employees hanging around (in the light gray shirts) than iPhone buyers when I arrived about 25 minutes before my 2:30 to 3:00 pm reservation time.
I had my iPhone 6s in hand by 2:42 pm, along with a nifty minimalist black Apple leather case. I had all the required info, such as my Verizon account password, so there weren't any glitches in my buying experience.
As is typical at an Apple Store, when I got to the front of the line a gray-shirted guy said, "Let's go in." Then he found a space to stand next to a laptop display -- where we did the iPhone Upgrade Program thing with his magic handheld device.
The scene at the Apple Store wasn't super crazy, since I'm pretty sure that in Oregon all first day sales were happening through the Upgrade Program, which required an advance reservation. I snapped this photo as I was leaving the store, catching some male employees in a familiar pose -- staring at their Apple devices.
Naturally the two photos above were taken with my ancient iPhone 5. I didn't set up my new iPhone 6s until I got home and could transfer settings, apps, and such from an iTunes backup. That also went smoothly, so I've had a few hours this evening to play around with the 6s.
I can tell that I'm going to like it a lot.
The 6s is a big jump up from the 5 I've been using for quite a while. Even though it isn't hugely bigger, the larger real estate on the 6s already makes me feel like the 5 is just too small.
Yet the 6s still fits nicely in the cushioned leather case that my iPhone 5 has been riding around in for several years. The 6s Plus feels way too large for me, so I've hit a size sweet spot with the 6s.
I haven't learned all of the new 6s tricks yet -- just enough of them to be impressed with the advances since the iPhone 5 came out. Unlocking the phone with my fingerprint is easier than swiping, for sure. And the 3D Touch feature is a sure winner.
When my wife saw that a firm touch on the camera app icon brings up a mini-menu where you can easily select "Take Selfie," "Record video," "Record Slo-mo," or "Take Photo," she instantly wanted a 6s of her own -- because on the 5 it often is difficult in bright sunlight to tell whether you're got the camera set to take a video or photo.
The camera on the 6s is much improved from the iPhone 5 camera. I'd read articles saying that it was.
Swiveling from typing on my laptop at our kitchen counter and snapping a 6s photo without a flash of our dog lying on a newly cleaned carpet -- which is why there's no chairs at the dining table -- convinced me that the camera really does take much sharper and better exposed photos.
So I'm a happy iPhone 6s first-day-buyer. I held off on the 5s and 6, but felt that the 6s was too good a phone to pass up. And now, with the iPhone Upgrade Program, I won't have to wait for a two-year Verizon contract to be fulfilled.
When the iPhone 7 arrives, I'll be an easy upgrade away. Oh, Apple, you bring so much wonderful Coolness into my life!