As noted in a post about my visit to the 2013 World Beat Festival here in Salem, I bought an $8 Ninja Fan at a booth in the Asia Pacific area.
For a long time I've wanted a fan. My Tai Chi instructor knows a fan form, which looks really cool when he does it. The fan snaps open and shut in harmony with his movements. After all, fans can be weapons.
However, when I had a photo of me and my new fan taken by a Statesman Journal SJPix photographer while standing in the middle of a front-page background mock-up, I told the guy "Just a second; I need to channel my inner Geisha."
The result, though, did not capture the air of demure coquettishness that I was aiming for. So this evening I went into our yard, held my iPhone at arm's length, and tried again on my own.
I leave it to the viewer of these photos to decide how closely I resemble a Geisha girl -- leaving aside extraneous details such as the fact that I am a 64 year old gray haired/bearded man.
We are talking inner essence here.
I am able to pour glasses of wine, open pop-tops, and pass around bags of chips with marvelous decorous ease, all the while pretending to listen to you talk about yourself while I think about what I'm going to do with the money you're paying me to do my Geisha gig.
[Update: forgot to mention that my Ninja Fan training hit a setback when, after coming home and snapping the fan open & closed once after buying it at the World Beat Festival, after which our dog with the best hearing jumped and ran for cover, my wife told me "You're not going to play with that in the house!."
Naturally my macho Ninja self said, "Yes, dear."
However... we Ninjas do not "play" with our fans. Like I said, they are deadly martial arts instruments. Or would be, if I was skilled in using one, and had a metal fan rather than a plastic fan.
I'm beginning to realize that actual Japanese Ninjas and Samurai either weren't married dog owners, or had a relationship with their wives that wasn't founded on "Yes, dear."]