Since I have two blogs, a web site, several laptops, and an iPhone, I keep wondering why Twitter hasn't tweaked my interest.
Which makes me wonder, should I join the Twittergentsia? I don't want to be left out of a cool social movement, especially when it involves technology. So I tried to convince myself that I needed to start tweeting.
First stop: a couple of important people's Twitter pages. First impression: yawn.
John McCain has over 254,000 followers of his tweets. I can't see why.
I then journeyed to Twitter itself, seeking to learn its mysteries from the source of all things Twitterish.
Not surprisingly (given Twitter's limit of 140 characters on tweets), I found conciseness under "Why?"
Eating soup? Research shows that moms want to know.
Running late to a meeting? Your co–workers might find that useful.
Partying? Your friends may want to join you.
Well, my mother is dead. I'm retired. And this sixty year-old's idea of a party is a hot bath, the latest issue of People magazine, and a glass of wine. I'd invite people to join me, but it's a small bathtub.
Here's my main problem warming up to Twitter: clicking on the main page's "Watch a video!" link led me to this bit of questionable philosophy.
Real life happens in between blogs and emails
Hmmmm. For one thing, I don't like this putdown of blogging and emailing, both of which I do a lot of. I feel that these are very much part of my "real life."
And I'm not convinced that adding Twitter tweets to my other electronic communications would enhance the real life that, presumably, I'd be telling people about.
Mark Morford had a clever column recently, "I Twitter for you!
Too old/busy/jaded to 'social network,' but still want to seem hip? Call now!"
Allow me introduce you to my groundbreaking new company, Geekamania.com. I created it to meet the needs of smart but also slightly bewildered, overwhelmed, angry, out-of-touch, nervous or otherwise increasingly irrelevant people, just like you!
The concept is very simple. Who needs Facebook and MySpace and the like? You do! But who the hell has time for such pathetic digital hoo-ha nonsense when there's dishes to be washed and gardening to be done and kids to be driven around and thorny little roses to be stopped at and smelled? No one!
That's where Geekamania comes in. Let us do the annoying but necessary-evil social networking crapola for you! For a small monthly fee, we'll keep you connected and relevant, even vaguely respectable/marginally noticeable to the jaded, spiteful, easily distracted ADHD youth of today, whether you think you want to be or not. It couldn't be easier!
Quite a few years ago, before all this social networking stuff became fashionable, I used to visit the Governor's Cup coffeehouse in Salem fairly often.
Almost every time I'd go there, I'd see the same group of people ensconced in a prime seating area near the front windows. Not all of the kaffeeklatsch'ers would be present every day, of course, but some of the regulars seemed to be full time Governor's Cup inhabitants.
After a while I began to wonder what they talked about. If you have a life outside of a coffee house, then you can share stories about it over an expresso.
But if most of your life involves talking about your life, won't there come a time when you run out of outside stories and all there is to say is something about the saying you've been doing?
So I'm going to pass on Twitter for now. Maybe, for ever. The dog is bugging me to go for a walk.
If I had a Twitter page, I could put up a tweet whenever she did that: "Dog is bugging me to go for a walk."
Does anyone care?
And wouldn't I eventually end up saying stuff like, "Now I'm thinking about putting up a tweet about the dog bugging me to go for a walk"? Probably followed by, "I'm wondering if I'm putting too much time into thinking about putting up a tweet about the dog bugging me to go for a walk."
Hell with it. I'm going for a walk.