Hey, what do you expect from me after eight days on Maui? The big questions of life have been reduced to meaningless musings.
Can a woman match too perfectly? What you can’t see in this photo is the palm tree on Laurel’s cap that mirrors the palm tree on her t-shirt. And note how the innermost color of the shirt’s tree precisely echoes the color of her shorts. Muy matcho, senorita!
Isn’t “guys” a masculine term? Restaurant staff always say to us, “Hi, guys. How’re you doing? I’ll be your server today.” What if they said “Hi, gals” to Laurel and me? I’d be sort of offended. Why isn’t Laurel? Oh, almost forgot. Men rule the world. That’s why people are called “mankind.”
Along these lines, what non-genius thought up the “Old Guys Rule!” product line? Caps and t-shirts with this unappealing message are everywhere on Maui. I rush past the displays, looking the other way. Don’t want anyone to think that I consider myself such a beast. Haven’t seen a single person wearing this crap. Probably never will.
Generously-sized people in skimpy bathing suits glorifying the body God and McDonalds gave them, good or bad? Jury is still out on this question. More research to be conducted on the beach in a few minutes. Tentative answer: depends on number of rolls of body fat.
Since Buddha-nature made beards, why is there also snorkeling? The two are incompatible. Trust me, I know. I use goggles and a nose clip now instead of a mask. With my narrow face, water still leaks in. Here’s my inner snorkeling dialogue: “Where are the damn fish…shit, water in my goggles…hell, water in my snorkel…no fish anywhere…this sucks… should have stayed on my mat… shit, more water in…”
When Einstein said that time passes at varying rates for different observers, was he speaking of women and men shopping? I see an Aloha shirt. I look at the size: XL. I buy it. Total elapsed time: 90 seconds. Laurel shops for dichroic glass earrings. Time stands still. A few days ago I asked the saleslady if she had a cot and a blankie so I could take a nap while I was waiting for my wife to make up her mind. She didn’t. I slept standing up.
Why do visitors to Maui wear plain white t-shirts, just like they do at home? Guys, check out the bargain bins at the Front Street tourist emporiums. $4.99 for a colorful t-shirt. Sometimes $3.99. Spend a few bucks and brighten up the beach. Just remember to match.
What weird trick of the mind leads a 57 year old man to spend a full hour staring out to sea, trying to remember the name of the third Wonder Pet? I came up with Tuck and Ming-Ming just fine. Linny escaped me. Considered running up to one of the many preschoolers on the beach and asking, but I was determined to come up with the name myself. Finally did. Around dinnertime.
Another productive Maui day.