Once again, Edward nailed it (or rather, me) right on the head in a cogent comment. Regarding my previous musing, he said:
Brian, reading this post I got the feeling that you won't have to write much longer, you are almost done...
Conjures up an image of being slowly cooked, like a roast pig turning on a spit. I've been feeling a non-Biblical apple in my mouth make me grin more. Doesn't seem like the churchless heat has been turned up all that high, but clearly it's been causing some changes.
Anyway, you're right, Edward.
There's times when I wonder what else I have to say. Maybe it's the upcoming election, because I was drawn to start this Church of the Churchless blog after Bush won in November 2004.
Now, almost four years later, a lot has changed in this country. And, in me.
I haven't figured out what either a lot amounts to. It's enough to know that seismic shifts have occurred, and I hope they're movements in a good direction.
As if I, or anyone, could know what's good or bad. Or what sort of moral compass points toward them. I used to think that I had some understanding about this stuff.
Now, as I wrote before, the whole idea of a misguided universe – or me – that needs a direction finder is losing meaning. That sense of loss doesn't seem quite the same as when I worked in the health policy/planning arena, but maybe it is.
For many years I dedicated myself to trying to fix what's wrong with health care. I cared a lot. Then, I didn't, almost instantly. One day I realized, "This doesn't matter to me anymore." I went off in a different direction, writing some books about the Meaning of It All.
Meaning still matters to me. However, life is seeming considerably simpler these days, so I may be getting to a point where there isn't a whole lot to say about the big questions of life.
With health care, the overwhelming complexity of problems (cost, end of life decisions, new technologies, payment systems, to name a few) helped lead me to feeling what's the point?
With spirituality and metaphysics, the astounding simplicity of a cosmos that is just what it is (lacking the human concepts of sin, fallen nature, need for salvation, enlightenment, and such) could lead me to feeling the point is…no point.
I'm not there yet. Not quite.
But I'm enjoying looking through the window of pointlessness and wondering what it would be like to play outside.